This is Natalie and this is “ Her Story “. I was tired. More like extremely exhausted. I’ve given all of me to all of them. Those men who said they loved me yet never really cared for me. Those men who said they understood my pain and wouldn’t bring more my way. Those men who I tried to get the love of my father from not realizing they could never be him. I drowned myself in toxic relationships because I didn’t know how to love me. I was looking for someone to say I’m proud of you. Someone to say you make my day. Someone to say you’re beautiful in every way. Someone to look at me and see my heart. My big heart that gave love so freely trying to be free but chained in the prison of my mind. All because I didn’t receive love from some guy and I was broken. Broken into pieces with no peace. I gave all I could every single part of me until I realized my inner me was my real enemy.
I was so lost but wouldn’t allow myself to be found. I wanted someone to find me and help make me whole. I didn’t know that wholeness was an inside job that only me and God could do. So I was stupid and kept getting high of lust calling it love. I couldn’t love them because I didn’t even love myself. For years I lived angry because every man that said they loved me hurt me and it started with my own father. Why was I invisible? Why wasn’t I good enough? Because of the prison in my mind I felt like I was never good enough. I ended up doing the most trying to get love I look back and realize I never experienced real love. How could I give what I never had? How could I receive what I never seen? I was really living in a fantasy hoping that one day I’d stop being the broken hearted girl. After much self-sabotaging and years of dumb choices, I realized that this is not how life is supposed to be.
I knew of God but I didn’t know him. I grew up in Church and went to church faithfully but I didn’t allow God to restore me and build me up as his church. Heartbreak after heartbreak I decided this wasn’t going to be my story. I stopped running and let God’s love capture me. I finally knew what it felt like to be free. I was broken in so many places in my life. God had to restore me and remind me that there was a Queen in me. This is a beautiful journey I'm just glad he has chosen me. After all the mess God’s given me a message. Now I'm an author and speaker that travels the world sharing my testimony helping women realize the Queen within. That’s #herstory so what’s yours ?