Luz Maria's Story
This is Luz Maria, and this is Her Story. Hello, my name is Luz Maria and I would like to share my story with you. I am 38 years old divorced with three blessings ages 18,15, and 14. One boy the eighteen-yr. old and two girls. I just recently restored my relationship with God. I used to attend a church a while ago for many years and even though I learned from this church after leaving I realized I did not know God the way I thought I did. I was born in Rio Piedras Puerto Rico and at 2 months old my biological mom moved me and my two older siblings to the South Bronx N.Y. My older brother was about 5 years old and my older sister was about 2 or three and I was only months old. My biological mom from what was told to me was a prostitute and would have sex with men to support us. One day in December my mom never came home. Leaving my two siblings and myself home alone. My brother that was 5 yrs. old took us out in the cold in the middle of December in NY to go look for my mom he got lost and found and abandoned building and went in there with us for days. He would go to the store and steal milk and food for us to eat. Since I was only months old, he would try to give me milk and I would just throw up. From what I was told we were in there for days. One day a social worker passed by the abandoned building and heard my screams and went in and took us. My siblings and I lived in foster homes till I was 3 years old when I got adopted. During this time my biological mom passed away. My adopted mom only adopted me, so my siblings and I were separated. I grew up with an amazing mom who was loving and took me in as her own. She had 3 much older kids of her own. She not only adopted me but also adopted another child younger that me so in total were 5 of us (her biological 3 and the adopted ones me and my little brother, not blood related).
My mom was always honest with me about my adoption but the family who adopted my sister did not want us to meet. Unfortunately, my older brother stayed in the foster system. I was very close with my adopted mom and I always by her side. June 22,1993 my adopted mom passed away due to lung cancer.
This is where my rebellious story begins.
Once my mom passed everyone gave up. I was only 12 years old. My dad fell into a depression and was never home, he would go out drinking and he even got himself a night job. My older sisters were in their 20s one was married with one child, and the other was out having fun bringing guys home and having sex with them and sometimes even in the bed that I was sleeping in. My cousin who also lived with us she was 15 at the time and was also bringing guys home and having sex in front of me. I would cry and started acting out. No one to talk to, but when I started acting out giving attitude, looking for guys to pay attention to me, I would get verbally abused by my sisters. Name calling, getting hit constantly. I wanted to do what they were doing. I almost wanted to become a prostitute. I wanted to feel love, I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted attention, but I felt nothing but rejection and loneliness every night. I would cry and say mom why did you leave.
My older sister had plans to move to Florida in Jan 2015. Before my mom passed, she left my sister custody of me and my younger brother and so we moved to Florida. Still rebellious felt unloved. I was looking for acceptance from anywhere I can get it from. I started seeing this guy the first year of moving to Florida. He lived on my street and was one of the first people I met. He was a charmer intelligent, something different from the guys in NY. The first year was good, but the second year of us being together, the psycho kicked in. He became a stalker, a physical abuser and a mental abuser. I went all through high school dealing with this. We would get into horrible fist fights. I ended up cheating on him many times and then met my sons’ father. He was a married man and I was 17, very gullible and naive. He was 27 and would tell me everything I wanted to hear. Even the famous line " I will leave my wife". And he did but never divorced her. See I was walking around life not caring who I hurt, not caring for any one including myself. I wanted to be wanted. So, whoever gave me that feeling I held on to them. My sons father got us an apartment and he moved in with me. He left his wife but living with him was a nightmare. He would at times stay out all night. He would tell me he is going to work and when I would call his job he will not be there.
August of 1999, I found out I was pregnant, now I’m 19 and pregnant with someone who I knew I did not really want to be with. Once I told him, at the moment he was happy. The next day I was home the landlord knocks and says we must move because he hadn’t paid the rent in two months, so we got kicked out. I ended up going back to my sister’s house and he went with his aunts. One week later He was gone from his aunt’s house with no warning. He left without telling anyone anything including myself. Now here I am 19, pregnant, no job, no money, living at my sister’s house. She did not want me there, and thoughts of abortion came to mind, but I quickly snapped out that idea because I did not even believe in killing a baby for something I did. So, my sister in Florida sent me back to NY with my other sister. I lived out there sleeping on her sofa till I gave birth. My sisters’ man at the time and I did NOT get along, so I quickly had to leave. I Moved back to Florida and I lived from house to house because I had nowhere to stay. My sister did not want me back home.
I started staying with a friend at her parents’ house and I started working while my friend babysat for me. I was in such depression. So, one night my friend says let’s go to the club. I called my sons father to take him so I can go out and he did. Went out to the club and I met this guy. I did not want to get into a relationship but in was looking for someone to love me and my son. He gave me his beeper number (lol) and we began to see each other. I ended up moving to a rat hole of an apt. I had no clothes just my work uniform. my son was 6 months old and I would dilute cow’s milk with water because I had no money to get him formula. I would work and in that same uniform wash it by hand and wear it like it was normal. So, this new guy popped up at my job just to see me one day and decided to give me a ride home. Now embarrassed of where I lived, I told him it was a friends apt that I was staying, but he knew it was a lie. I stopped talking to him for weeks due to my living status. I was embarrassed. So, one day he came and knocked at the door and I stood shocked. He said I know you live here, and I’m not interested in what you have I’m interested in you.
9 months later we got married. We started attending a church where the first service the pastor preached was on "fornication' we looked at each other and left service with such conviction. As we started attending bible study groups, we were told either we break up or get married. We were already living with each other, so we chose marriage. We served the church together, growing spiritually together he took my son like his own and then we had 2 girls of our own. As years gone by, I started to feel lonely, as he spent most of his time at work and after work church. No time with me or the kids. and the times he did spend with us his phone was constantly ringing due to disciples needing advice. I leaded a bible study groups with 22 groups under me. In the encounters (retreat) I would preach marriage and my own testimony. But my heart was far from God. Then the attack towards my marriage started. I felt like the work I was doing for the church was only being done because I didn’t want to let man down. I was not serving God I was serving man. I started to back down, my husband was always at church events and my heart grew far.
Years later 2008 I ended up leaving my family kids and all and left for NY. I Cheated on my husband with and abusive guy, verbal, mental and physical.
My husband cried for me to come back and so I did but I told him I did not want to attend the same church. But he said he will never leave this church. everyone in the church spoke about me and my sin. I was looked at like the woman with leprosy. Yup I was the topic of every bible study even in the preaching’s.
Time went on I began to serve the church again but still my heart was far from God. Husband still giving his all to the church and not enough to the family. I started feeling lonely again. I started backing down. The pastor’s wife passed away and that broke my heart as she was one woman I admired as a woman of God. She passed and a lot of truth started coming to light about this church. I have asked my husband many times let’s move away and work on us. I’m not happy. His answer no I will not leave this church. I have a commitment with God here. My heart grew colder.
I ended up cheating again. This led to my divorce and my son’s rebellion. My son turned 16 and that’s when he started to be very disrespectful towards us, running away from home not going to school and smoking marijuana. The things between my ex-husband was really bad. He took custody of my daughters and I ended up moving with my son to an apt. I since the have reconciled with God and now I am getting to know the Sovereign God. Now my relationship is growing in God. My ex still attends the other church. My son after 3 years of getting in trouble with the law, he has gotten locked up and a lot more. I’m still praying and will never stop praying for my kids and my kids’ father also praying that the true gospel enters his heart. He still does not have a relationship with my son because according to him, my son has mad bad choices and he does not want to be around him until he gets right.
My goal is to share my story and help women know their value and go after the rejected. Through all of this I lost my identity, I lost my worth, I felt like my happiness was in man. But God left his 99 to come after me. My story will be heard, and I pray God uses me to lift up the broken, the rejected and the lonely. That’s #herstory so what’s yours?